Moment of Discovery

Who am I?

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I wanted to do with the next 5 years of my life. Coincidently, I also recently got a reminder about my high school's 10 year reunion. Has it been 10 years already? Time seemed to have just flown by, yet it's crazy to think about how much has changed in those 10 years. 

In ways, I am very much the same: always hyperactively seeking a creative outlet, with border-lining, minimalistic, OCD tendencies. In other ways, I feel like I'm a completely different person, compared to who I was 10 years ago. My wants are different, my hopes are different, and my outlook on life is different.

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If you could have met 18 year-old Jen, the outdoors meant bugs & physical activity was not in her repertoire. Her eyes would double in size & sparkle in the face of brand names & luxury sport cars. In fact, she could probably identify the brand of any clothing item, on the spot. She was ready to work her life away, however many work hours it took. She wanted to take life by storm, by the standards of the materialistic American Dream, big house & all.

Now?

What's the point of putting your money towards sitting in a big fancy house, when there's so much of the rest of the world to see? I see no point in giant collections of designer bags, shoes, figurines or DVDs. I am no longer impressed by site of Christian Louboutins or other high end brand names, and the fashion world feels empty. I seek more; more adventures & more experiences, more sites unseen. I am on a mission to live the most interesting life possible for myself, and that means being ok with having less. But is it less, if by giving up things, I gain so much more?

I've cleaned out my DVDs & CDs (moved to all digital), and have slowly donated about 1/3 of my closet so far. It feels good to remove the clutter & live only with what you need. I've begun to travel the world, but The question is, where do I go from here? What's my next step?

Currently, I don't have the answer (suggestions welcomed). It's definitely been a  thought that's been clouding my mind every night. I just have this impending feeling & that I need to make a drastic change. Love, Jen

"Once you've been still too long, it's best to throw a grenade where you are standing - and jump. And pray.” - Robyn Davidson, in Tracks